On Commitment


Really? – Yes!
“Really? – Yes!” (2011)

Mixed media on paper | 60 x 42 cm



Excited

A lot of things happened during the last weeks. First of all: I married the most beautiful man alive. Finally. After 11 years. How cool is that? I’m also saying goodbye to some paid but annoying jobs. Which means I have more time to spend in the studio, but at same time find new ways to earn a living. 2011 seems to be a year of change for me.

Joyful Days

The wedding came suddenly, and the days (joyful days!) rushed by. We had a big garden party at our house, and we had most of our friends around which was just perfect. I was some kind of jet-lagged the days after the wedding, and so we decided to do some in-house honeymooning. We haven’t spent so much time together for years I think. It’s still great!

Letting Things Grow

Studio Monday was a lonely event the last three weeks. I didn’t write about them because I didn’t get so much done on my Orpheus film project. But at least I did some creative work: I started and finished working on several new paintings with which I am very satisfied right now. And I worked a lot in our garden that is still more like a jungle.

I accepted that I got stuck again with the film and tried to do some loosening up through the drawings. That worked nicely, and so did gardening. Sleeping a lot was helpful as well.

My friend Shelley Noble wrote an article about why it’s so much easier to to the first 97% of a project, but so amazingly difficult to do the remaining 3%. I have similar issues. I’ve got a big Resistance against moving forward with my film. (Notice the progress bars! The end is near, my friend, at least in set-building.)

I also had a big Resistance (yes, in Capitals!) against writing about it. But I do this for now, perhaps I’ll overcome the other as well by doing

Other Things As Planned

Like this:


They said it's just a memory.
“They said it’s just a memory” (2011)

Mixed media on paper | 100 x 70 cm



Understanding

Those last three weeks in which I spent a lot of time in the studio, and preparing and celebrating my wedding helped me to understand what I need and what I want in life. Working on a complex film project is very similar to live in a long-term relationship. After the first euphoria has transformed into some everyday life, it takes a lot of energy to accept changes and to keep it going though. The good thing is: it’s definitely worth it!

Again, I’m sharing my process because I think it’s important to see not only the good things in life but the difficult aspects as well. However, I hope you find it helpful.

27. April 2011 by Jessica
Categories: Stuff | Tags: , , , | 7 comments

Comments (7)

  1. Firstly, a very heartfelt congratulations on your marriage!

    I’m very glad you decided to share this. I, too, have gotten stuck lately. I’ve been sculpting and drawing to stay creative, but I still can’t seem to focus on my small stopmo project. Knowing that it happens to other people puts me a little more at ease and ready to try agian. Thanks for the inspiration!

  2. Jon, thank you so much for your good wishes!

    I’m so glad if sharing my process helps you to adjust yourself into your process. We artists cook so often in our own soup, that we need someone else’s example to think outside the box. I know this best myself…

  3. The “Really? – Yes!” image has nice contrasts and I quite like the semi-ransparent white skin color – but the right head is, I think, not that balanced. The left one is wonderful and convincing androgynous, which is pretty hard to achieve. Good work!

  4. Fantastic paintings, Jessica!

    Many many many best wishes to you and the most beautiful man alive!! May your joys know no bounds.

    The 97:3% matter is complicated by several things I think. One of which is that when we finish a project it can almost never live up to how we imagined it. And that can be a hard pill to swallow if our sense of self-worth is at all enmeshed with what we make.

    And also that after so much focus and energy has gone into a single direction, having it be completed can sometimes feel as though we won’t have that soft familiar place to go with our focus if we are truly done. So perhaps we linger, to savor in some ways.

    I tell myself that there will always be a place to place my focus, just different ones.

    All I know is that it takes a tremendous strength and fortitude to complete fully fully. The only way I’ve found to moves towards it is to relentlessly push on the next step and then the next. In that way actual progress actually happens over time. All the way to the end. True grit.

    I’m rooting for you, and Jon, and everyone else who is hoping to create and express out into the world.

  5. Nils, thank you! Compliments from you always have double weight! And I totally agree to your point of view that the left head is much better…

    Shelley, that’s definitely another aspect od the 97:3% issue. But I also guess that you’re right when saying that we just had to move on, one step after another.
    Horray for progress! ;)

  6. I’m lost for words…

    außer vielleicht: Euch beiden aus ganzem Herzen alles Gute zu wünschen.

    Next to that: still lost for words.

    Oh – and thanks for sharing such personal information !

  7. Michael, danke für die guten Wünsche!